Dating Advice For Women – Manage Your Enthusiasm Or Risk Overwhelming Him

My dating coach client Ellie met Mark, a really great, attractive guy (via Match) and had a wonderful dinner date. In fact, she never met a Match.com guy like this. Usually there isn’t much spark, but she does give many guys the three date try as I often suggest. But this date was really special for Ellie including sparks, laughter, and smart conversation.

Mark emailed to say that it was one of the best 1st dates he’d ever had. He asked Ellie to go out again next weekend, so things were looking good. But still, she just worried that her enthusiasm could appear as desperation and she didn’t want to scare him off. Ellie said, “I’m not desperate, just excited to meet someone like him.”

First I congratulated Ellie on a great first date! Next, I advised her to take some deep breaths. Of course she should be excited, but not too much in front of Mark. That excitement would be better shared with her girlfriends.

While I didn’t want to rain on her parade, but it’s so important to keep things in perspective. Yes, Ellie had a great date, but it’s only one so far, even if it does look promising. Only time will tell. She has a lot more “data gathering” to do. That’s the whole point of dating – to observe a man’s behavior and how he approaches winning you over.

This is the exact reason why I frequently recommend dating more than one guy at a time – so you don’t over focus on any one guy during the beginning phase of dating. That can scare a man away quicker than you can imagine and you could drive yourself crazy too.

The best thing I could tell Ellie believe it or not is to distract herself. If she finds herself thinking about him too much, she should read a book, talk to friends, exercise, watch a movie, start a new project, even go on a date with someone else.

If dating Mark works out, there’s no downside to guarding her heart, and if it doesn’t – well then it was a wise move to not over think things and put all her eggs in the “Mark Basket”.

I recommended that Ellie be her happy enjoyable self on their next date, but to avoid gushing or over sharing her hopeful feelings. She can say she’s having a great time. She can compliment and praise him, but not to over do it. As everyone knows, when you pour on the compliments and excitement too thick – it can backfire and repel a man (or a woman). And even worse, it can come across as INSINCERE!

Nothing is more fun or tougher than the beginning of a new relationship. The prospect of finding a good partner can build and make you feel like you could just burst with excitement. Ellie needs to keep her enthusiasm in check because Mark still has a lot of proving to do before she knows for sure that he is “the one”. The best thing she can do is take things slowly, distract herself and date other men to make sure she doesn’t push him away by being overly enthusiastic.