When you are a single parent, it’s hardly ever about you. Your life revolves around your child, and you want to provide them with an environment that is accepting, stimulating, loving and, most of all, safe. If you’ve taken some time off from the dating scene to raise your little one and now you are thinking it’s time to jump back into the dating pool, you may be experiencing some complex and understandable emotions.
There are a hundred questions that you probably don’t know how to answer from where to meet someone to how soon you should introduce someone that you’ve been dating to your child. Dating as a single person without kids is nerve wracking and difficult, but when you add a child to the mix, a whole different set of factors enters into it and you may start to wonder “Are my standards too high”. These are difficult questions to answer and they largely depend on your lifestyle and personal preference, but there are some guidelines to keep in mind that will help you navigate your way down this difficult path.
Where Do I Meet Someone?
You’re life as a single parent has you running around from soccer practice to play dates, and it doesn’t leave much time for adult social outings. So, as a single parent, where do you meet someone worth dating? The easy answer is to look for another single parent that you might be interested in who has a child that goes to the same school or participates in the same extracurricular activities that your child does. Assuming you have done this and found no one, you need to expand your borders. Join a gym that has childcare available so you can spend a quick hour killing two birds with one stone by working on your fitness goals and making yourself available to the interest of those around you.
Go on some kid-friendly outings where adults are likely to be too like trips to the Zoo, a museum or a farmer’s market. The most important thing to remember is that opening yourself up to new people and new places is what it’s all about. It’s in your child’s best interest to have two loving parents, so don’t use them as a shield to protect you from new people; use your children as motivation to find the right partner to complete your family.
When Should I Reveal That I’m a Single Parent?
When dating as a single parent, the best way to avoid rejection and confusion is to reveal your single parent status right away. By joining an online dating website, the guess work is taken out of it by allowing you to include your children in your profile. So, anyone who views it will immediately become aware of your parental status, and if they are not OK with that, then they can move on without any injury or insult. Dating sites also allow you to easily discover what you should know about the person you are dating right away. For example, if they never want children, or if their lifestyle is clearly not child friendly, then you probably will not pursue a dating relationship with them. If you are dating the old fashioned way, then casually slip your child into a conversation early on which should be extremely easy to do when speaking about your life. You can then judge the reaction to this news and decide from the start if a dating relationship is something you should pursue.
When Should I Introduce My Child to the Person I’m Dating?
This is a very big question and there are a lot of differing opinions on how one should go about this. Dr. Phil, a famous psychologist and mental and emotional health expert, warns that you should not introduce your child to your partner until you both agree that you are in a long-term relationship. The reason he gives is that children can get attached very easily, and if they are constantly meeting a new man or woman in your life, they could be left with some emotional scars that can damage their view of parental relationships.
How Do I Get Over the Fear of Trying Again?
You may be left with an extreme case of nerves at the thought of dating again, and that is completely normal. The stakes are higher than they’ve ever been since it doesn’t just concern you anymore – it concerns your child too, and that can be scary. Every new date is new and unfamiliar territory, so it’s natural to feel uncertain, but that nervousness is also a positive sign because it tells you that you are taking a step forward. Learn to see this fear as motivation to continue toward a better future and a fulfilling relationship. You’ve already handled so much on your own as a single parent; a date is nothing!
Is It Smart to Date Someone Who Doesn’t Also Have Kids?
While your child’s needs should be a high priority in your search for a dating partner, don’t let your needs be dismissed as unimportant. While you probably have a long list of “must haves” in the man or women who might end up co-parenting your child, initial attraction is extremely important and should not be discounted. If you happen to find yourself attracted to someone without kids, you don’t have to immediately dismiss them as not right for you. Taking some casual time to get to know a person and then deciding if they can deal with having children in their life is safe and wise, and it might lead to the perfect partner for you and your child.