One of the issues that I receive a number of queries about is the subject of conversation. It’s one thing to find someone you are interested in but another matter all together to get a successful conversation underway. This can be a real stumbling block for anyone who is perhaps a little low in confidence, shy or just not sure how to start. This actually relates to both online and in person conversations, and if you are one of the many people out there who find it difficult, you’re not alone. The following points of discussion are intended to help with resolving this issue and provide you with some advice to get your conversations started.
Focus On Your Date, Not Yourself!
Most people would prefer to talk about something that interests them, not hear you rabbit on about your own self-indulgent tales. Always take the time to do a little research on the person you are communicating with from their profile. Profiles are designed to inform you of what a person may have in common with you or even alert you to something you haven’t tried before. Try to direct some of your initial conversation toward these relevant points. Your date will be happy that you have bothered to find out a little about them and it gives you an opportunity to engage in subject matter they are comfortable with.
Try Something Funny
Everyone loves a laugh so if you have a funny story to tell it can be a great way to get the ball rolling. We have all had experiences that others will find amusing so don’t be afraid to open up and give your date a laugh. It may even have been an embarrassing event, don’t let that worry you as talking about something like this shows you are comfortable with the person to whom you are conversing. They will appreciate your honesty and no doubt have a story of their own to tell. It can be a great way to kick things off and show that you are prepared to be completely open.
What About Work?
Most people will be open to discussing their work. Don’t dive in and start asking questions of your date, perhaps talk a little about your work first and lead into a question about theirs. Most of us work so it’s something that you will find the majority of potential partners will have in common with you. Our working lives take up a large portion of our time so there’s always likely to be a story to relay and one your date will have to share with you. Be careful not to keep the conversation on yourself, show you’re interested in your date by including their stories in the discussion.
Talking about work may actually provide your partner with an opportunity to vent. Most of us have pressures in our working lives but not always an avenue to blow off the steam. Try and keep the negatives to a minimum though as you don’t want to create the wrong impression. It’s best to start with the things you like about your work and ask your date what they enjoy about theirs. Even though talking shop may seem a little boring you’re bound to discover something you perhaps didn’t know. Every job, no matter how boring it sounds, is likely to have some interesting detail that only those who work in the industry will know. This is a major element of your life so with a little thought you are bound to come up with some great conversation starters.
Dreams and Desires
We all have dreams and desires, things that we aspire to or ideas we have had. They are a wonderful way to express yourself and open up a variety of discussion points. Even though it may seem a little early on to be opening up this far, take the risk. It will show that you have an open mind and willing to relate on a number of levels, not just the basics. Your date will appreciate that you are making yourself accessible. It’s great to talk about your willingness and desire to travel, or to learn a language, perhaps even try something you have never done. It creates interest and can give you an open door to asking the question of your date. What have they always wanted to do but not quite got around to0? Where would they like to travel and why? Dreams and aspirations are wonderful fodder for a lively, enjoyable conversation.
Maybe They Have A Pet
Many of your potential dates will have pets. If you know they have or if you have a pet of your own it can provide a topic of combined interest. Tread carefully though and gauge your date’s response’s as they may be disinterested in the notion of pets and animals altogether. It’s not for everyone but if you find the subject to be something you have in common it can lead to discussions on so many different levels. Everyone who owns a pet has a funny story to relate. If you find you’re both dog lovers it won’t take much to fill in a couple of hours on this topic alone.
We All Have Fantasies
It’s amazing how many people like to talk about their fantasies. Over the years this is a subject that has surprised me quite often. I’m not sure if it’s because the opportunity doesn’t come up that often or just that we like to put our intimate ideals out there for the world. I’m not necessarily suggesting this is a great place to start with a new potential partner but once you’re comfortable with each other it is an interesting subject to pursue. For some reason most people are quite comfortable to discuss their most intimate fantasies so don’t be afraid to put the subject on the table. Sometimes the topic can raise some funny anecdotal stories. We all have fantasies, choosing the right time to raise them in conversation once again shows that you are prepared to be open and relate to your date on a number of levels.
If you’re really struggling to come up with something unique to talk about then there a number of standard ‘fall back’ options. Topics that are best kept as emergencies but none the less effective. For example, if there has been a major recent news event it can be a good conversation starter. Big issues usually breed opinions. Rather than dumping yours on your date it may be wise to ask what their impression of a situation or event was or is. If you differ in opinion tackle it softly by presenting it as alternative point of view, not an argumentative response. Debate is healthy and can be great conversation but always avoid making it personal and keep it at a level that suggests an alternative view only. Never dismiss your date’s side of an event, they may believe in their view very strongly and your connection with them could be short lived. The old notion of avoiding politics and religion stands firm here.
Books And Movies
Something that most of us appreciate is a good book or movie. Once again these topics provide boundless conversational material. A simple question you can put to your date is what’s your favorite movie? This can lead to quite open discussion about the options available and may take you off on different tangents along the way. You may discuss genres, actors, directors, any number of facets of the movie industry to draw any conclusions at all. This is a wonderful open-ended topic that is equally well used with group and individual scenarios.
It may be worth considering a slightly different approach and describe a movie or book you have recently read or seen. Don’t try to recount the entire story, just the highlights as you saw them. It creates interest not only in the subject but in you as well. You may present this like a short review or even a recommendation. Talk about the pro’s and con’s as these will help to define to your partner your own personal tastes. Don’t ramble on about something until you know your date is interested. Simply ask them first if they have read a certain book and if not would they be interested in hearing a little about it. This is a simple approach and often well received. Perhaps suggest they tell you about something they have recently read that you have not. This conversation can work well in both directions involving both parties in a topic of interest.
Hopefully these basic ideas will provide you with enough ammunition to take a shot at communicating with potential dating partners. Online Dating can be a fantastic experience if you allow it to be. Don’t be daunted by the prospect of engaging in a little casual chat. Anyone who takes up the challenge of seeking love on the Internet is there for a reason, and they are likely to be just as shy about kicking things off as you are. Take the plunge and the first step, you never know where it might lead. There are some wonderful people to be discovered in cyber space, single and searching just like you…