People run away from relationships for many reasons, but at the heart of all of these reasons is a fear; the fear of getting hurt, the fear of losing too much of ourselves, or the fear of being trapped in a relationship that you can’t get out of, to name a few. This fear of relationships and love can stop you from truly discovering who you are and what you want in a relationship. When we fear this kind of a deep connection with another person, it’s because we’ve been harmed in the past or because we have an inaccurate picture of what love really is. Watching your parents go through a messy divorce or getting hurt in a past relationship that was unhealthy and not filled with true love can leave deep scars that color the way we view relationships in general, and this causes us to become adults who run away from love.
Love is beautiful, and when it exists in the healthy, true form it’s meant to be experienced in, it’s freeing not binding. What you need to do to get past this impulse to flee is to change the way you think about love. Love is not simply a warm fuzzy feeling that comes and goes throughout a relationship; it goes much deeper than that and many facets of a relationship are encompassed in true love, not just the emotional parts. When you redefine what love is in your mind, it becomes a desirable thing rather than something to fear.
So, let’s talk about what love really is because knowing what qualities love should possess will help you to discover what you want in your partner.
Stop Running away from Love
Where true love exists, there should be no fear when it comes to communicating. Bad or broken communication is a huge contributor to most breakups and divorces, and it stops a relationship from being able to grow. Love is supposed to create a safe haven for both partners to be able to honestly share their feelings without hurt or impatience, and when you begin to believe that that’s what love really is, you can begin to stop fearing it.
Love is a choice.
Love is not something that traps you without your consent, thrusting you into a life and situations that you don’t want or that hurt you. True love is active and alive and comes from seeing the good in another person. Once you begin to see love as a choice instead of a sentence, you will start to associate it with freedom and goodness.
Love is committed.
Perhaps you’ve been cheated on and hurt by a past lover, or maybe you’ve witnessed an unfaithful relationship from your parents or a couple that was close to you. This may cause you to think of love as unsafe and unstable, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. True love is being completely committed to that other person, no matter what. When we think of love simply as a feeling, it loses its power to bind us because feelings come and go, but when we realize that love is an active choice, we realize that love is 100% committed and faithful.
Love is intimate.
Intimacy is a scary word. Intimacy implies vulnerability and leaving yourself completely open to the whims of another person, and that concept can be scary if you have an inaccurate view of love. But when you realize all the good things that love truly is, then knowing the true intimacy that can only be found in real love becomes a wonderful thing. The dictionary defines intimacy as “Close familiarity or friendship; closeness” and that’s really what we long for as humans. We want to be close to someone in an intimate way. We want to be loved and to love.
Once you begin to redefine love to mean these things, your heart will open up and you will stop being afraid to let love in. It will result in dating free of fear and anxiety, and will open you up to new possibilities. This may give you the courage to accept a date request from a stranger or it may encourage you see sign up for a dating website and see who is out there, but no matter what you do with this new knowledge, you will heal your view of love and relationships and that will finally allow you to pursue the love you deserve.